Spirituality

Surviving the “Ouch!” of Criticism

I remember as a kid getting “conduct” grades at my little private school run by nuns. We actually got grades in:

Works well with others
Homework – Complete, Prompt, Neat Independent
Accepts Criticism Well
General Conduct

Good grief. Item # 3 on that list…I wonder how many of my teachers accepted criticism well! I still don’t always, but I try.

Jack Canfield in one of his talks describes the mistake in ignoring criticism.

He does a mock performance with his attendees explaining that his goal is over “there” (he points somewhere in the room) and then asks for their “constructive criticism” in getting there – to his goal.

Comically, he puts his fingers in his ears and walks away from the goal. Everyone in the audience shouts, but he keeps going further and further away because he refuses to listen to them.

Everyone gets a good laugh, and he illustrates the importance of listening to criticism very well.

Criticism is a “pinprick” type of pain. It hurts, but the sooner we are honest with ourselves (and if we trust our critique) we can take what we do to the next level. Part of this is getting over the ego identification with what we do. What we do is not who we are.

Know that it should and will hurt, and know that it is probably your ego. It’s not that you’re bad, or a failure – it’s just that nobody knows it all, not you , I or anyone – and outside guidance is good.

If we can get over the ego bruise and get on with the message contained in the critique and take action, that’s called growth, and I repeat, it is good.

Listening Deeply Can Transform Your World

By Adam Rafferty 9 Comments

Mike Longo, my teacher and mentor once told me something very important and perplexing after a big band rehearsal many years ago.

I played guitar in his 17 piece band for a while, and finding the “crack” in which to put a guitar “comp” chord or fill was challenging. The “chug chug” Freddie Green style comping on every beat totally was not what he wanted – and I already knew that.

So at this rehearsal, I played what seemed right and was very self satisfied at the time.

He says to me afterward “You weren’t listening”.

HUH? Did he just say that? I was with them the whole time! This had me scratching my head.

He then assured me that what he meant was extremely subtle, and that Dizzy Gillespie once told him the same thing after a gig.

Last night I did a duo gig here in New York with a friend – and it was really a relief to play a gig and let loose in the midst of all my uber focused recording activity on my Michael Jackson fingerstyle guitar project.

Same guitar, same amp…but I heard new detail and nuances in the sound that I had never heard on that gig, and naturally exercised ‘restraint’ in ways I had never done before. It was more musical, focused and relaxed. Even whispery quiet songs had people grooving in their seats.

Imagine a camera lens coming into focus – but on a sonic level.

It’s so common to think that to “improve” one needs to simply “practice” guitar with the hands and get bigger, faster, louder and stronger. Macho Man!!!

Once you (and I) listen deeply – very deeply – the guitar playing changes.

I need to carry thins listening over into all areas of my life. If there is as much joy and delicacy available to me in all of life as there was last night on the guitar, it’s me that needs to quiet down and listen. The world can stay as it is.

Something nice to think about on a ‘quiet’ January Sunday morning.

Whazzup with the blog title “Guitar and Spirit?”

By Adam Rafferty 4 Comments

Greetings! I hope you had a wonderful Holiday and stay out of trouble on this upcoming New Years Eve!

As I sit here on a chilly, snowed in December morning I am considering creating a Podcast out of what my blog has been: a mish-mash of musical, philosophical and spiritual thoughts.

When I started my blog, my Dad warned me “stay away from the spiritual stuff, just stick to music”. However, I chose to go with my gut and mash it all together.

Why?

Oddly enough it was my Dad who gave me a copy of “Zen in the Art of Archery” when I was 15 and really struggling with classical guitar technique. He tried to show me that while it’s an outer game of guitar, archery or whatever – there is the inner game of the mind. Inner and outer are related in a mysterious non verbal way.

Later on, as I continued my music studies at college I had the wonderfully good fortune of apprenticing for years with pianist and composer Mike Longo who was Dizzy Gillespie’s pianist and musical director from 1964-71.

At a certain point in my studies, I had tackled most of the “quantifiable” work on harmony and theory. However, as I pressed Mike for more information about tone, touch groove his answers became more and more cryptic.

One day we played together and following our duet he said “You hear that ‘ring’ in your sound? That has a deep spiritual significance.”

My lessons really took on the vibe and feeling of studying with a magician more than a musician.

It didn’t take long before people started asking me questions as though I “knew” something. Teachers at college would ask me what I was practicing. From nowhere people started speaking to me as though ‘I knew’.

Mike Longo kept reminding me “what you are learning here is not common knowledge.”

Heavy! Even musicians whom I looked up simply talked to me like a peer. I’m more used to it now, but was very weird at the time.

I love teaching and explaining things. I vowed as a young person never to teach or preach hot air or bull, and I really felt sick when I had teachers who did “not know” but pretended that they “knew”.

If I can do it – that shows that I know it. If you can’t see me ‘do it’ then don’t believe me. Allow me to be transparent to your ears and eyes – and you decide what’s true for you. Take what you can use, leave the rest.

So to write a blog about learning guitar or music, I can’t leave out the personal development, the spiritual journey, the discipline, the trials, tribulation and the joys and ecstatic moments. It’s all part of the soup mix of music and life. I spend as much time on myself as a person as I do on myself as a guitarist. In actuality, there is no separation!

Sometimes you’ll get a post here about my choice of guitar strings or recording techniques; at other times you’ll get a post about the power of visualization or meditation. To play guitar well, or music well – for that matter, you need to develop yourself inside and out, from the head to the heart to the body and to the soul.

I wish I could have gotten the inner thoughts of my guitar heroes as I grew up. With the internet today, it’s possible to deliver my intimate thoughts to you – quickly and easily.

If your music is to ring of truth and touch people’s hearts, your whole being is involved. If you are to be successful, your whole being is involved. No outer “techniques” and cover or hide what’s inside. Another way to say this is “You can’t fool the Universe”.

Happy New Year, and be on the lookout for the “Guitar and Spirit” Podcast in early 2011.

– Adam

Groove is Another Form of Love

By Adam Rafferty 1 Comment

I heard a fabulous youtube “satsang” talk the other day by a fellow whom I follow online named Burt Harding. He’s a lovely guy from Canada who teaches people about awareness, love and the effortlessness “being” a human “being”.

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7awJTBeZfoc]

His talks are full of insights, some of which I myself have experienced, and I am sure you have too. I particularly love seeing how self realizations are similar to musical realizations.

In a day and age where music schools and computers boil music down to concrete elements, we must remember that the silent spirit in between the notes is the true life and soul of music.

Burt was talking about this idea of not really always being able to experience the now moment, even though we talk about the “now” so often. We find ourselves on a road either looking ahead to the future or back to the past. Like driving a car, we look ahead and back constantly.

What then, is the way to be in the present moment? How can we get out of this time-line way of being. Remember – the time line is not “out there” in reality, it’s “in here” – in our heads. That’s how our average waking state is, and that’s how we were created.

Burt presses the question of “how can we be present” and gives an answer.

Love takes us out of this and brings us to an entirely different dimension. Wow. Heavy information! A state of love brings us into a timeless dimension, and busts up this “timeline” paradigm completely.

We’ve all experienced that when we love someone, something, an animal, or what we do – time slips away. I myself forget to eat when I am playing my instrument, so I know this first hand.

And then it came to my mind, how I see the constant error of musicians thinking that music in reality is like it appears paper, and that a metronome with beats spaced apart makes a perfect dribble of equally spaced beats – making so called perfect time. Nothing could be “wronger” 🙂

When you slip deep into musical joy, it is another form of this love – which lifts one up out the timeline completely and effortlessly. A “timeless” dimension is perceived and presence is a glowing effortless now moment.

I then thought about so many experiences I have had – dancing with people (chicks mainly!) at college DJ parties and in an instant feeling a sense of “loving” them spontaneously. The same for musicians…I have been in clubs where I ended up on stage with musicians whom I never met before, and love was present when we played even though we never spoke a word.

Groove is one of the fruits provided by the tree of love!

It’s a “zone” I am talking about which can’t be known by the mind, it must be experienced. If you’ve ever loved anyone or anything fully – a real groove feels just like that. No future, no past….just a warm loving big fat funky “now” moment. Like a downbeat with a gorgeous tone.

What is Your Ideal Listener Profile?

By Adam Rafferty 7 Comments

Disclaimer: This is in no way intended to step on anyone’s toes. I love all styles of music. This blog post is about musicians awareness of “giving value” to their listeners, regardless of style or instrument.

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In case you don’t know it. I was a stone cold, bebopping, jazz guitar player with a big old archtop guitar, running around NYC and playing every show, rehearsal and session I could get to.

It was a hectic and underpaid life for many reasons . But now I am happier and more successful now than every before . I will delve into the shift that changed my life, in this post.

I switched to fingerstyle guitar for many reasons. I felt the urge to entertain people, first and foremost. Entertaining gives me more joy than anything. The entire shift was brought about by asking myself “for whom am I playing?

My life changed…I stopped caring what other musicians thought, and started caring what the audience thought.

These days I see many musicians play and not “keep the audiences attention” for various reasons. The musicians are usually beyond excellent, so what’s the problem here?

I have a question for you . Are people talking through your gig? Are you holding their attention?

In no way am I suggesting that you or anyone change what they are doing to what I do. I am however encouraging you and other musicians to ask themselves why they are doing what they do.

The question each musician must answer – with utter honesty is “For whom am I playing? Who is my ideal listener? Who am I trying to impress? What is my ultimate musical goal?”

Our sense of survival is our deepest fear and psychological button. Back before jazz schools a MUSICIANS SURVIVAL was based on entertaining.

Fortunately, I was in many bands with leaders who came up in the era of entertainment being a MUST, and if I did not rise to the occasion, I lost my gig and did not eat.

I can remember in Harlem a band leader threatening me to stop practicing and entertain the “room” or else I’d be fired. GULP! And I remember bored faces of bar patrons “light up” when I stopped playing a million notes and started playing the blues.

That is called a FIRE under the ASS, as it were. ‘Scuse my French.

If you are trying to impress:

– Other musicians
– Teachers
– Yourself, to see how you stack up
– Other musicians on the internet, Youtube, etc

That means….YOU BLEW IT! You forgot about the most important people – the PUBLIC. Ok, that’s simply my opinion – but check it for yourself!

What’s really confusing though is that when you are in school, you feel like your SURVIVAL depends on the approval of peers and teachers….and impressing them becomes the goal. That’s why music school has nothing to do with preparing you the real world environment of music.

Regular people, not musicians, are your main audience!!!! Make this your mantra.

Regular people need to like what you do. Regular people need to feel good when you play.

Take a Lesson from Marketers

Anyone marketing a product knows that they need their ICP – Ideal Customer Profile. Well, think about your listener as if they were a customer. Who is your listener? What age, gender, financial bracket, etc are they? How much of society do they make up? Where do they hang out? And so on….

The idea of whom one is playing music for is so deeply ingrained in a musicians playing approach, it literally permeates EVERY note that a musician plays. And if you’ve spent years playing for other musicians – everything regarding your tone, time touch and concept are over there.

It can feel downright weird to play music for the “audience” if you are in that other zone. I can “hear” whom a musician is playing for as if they told me in plain English.

I am not talking about the musical skill. I am talking about the breath of life which permeates the musical thought, and intent behind the music.

I showed my girlfriend (who is not a musician) two jazz quartet videos – one old (1960’s) and one new (current) and she said “the new one – they all sound like they are playing their own thing and it is not matching up the way the old one does”.

No one could be further from understanding music than her – but she did hear the main difference!!!! Food for thought, kids.

So let’s close with the questions to ask yourself:

For whom am I playing?
Why am I playing music?
What is my ultimate goal in playing music?
Would I rather be “the best” or see “happiness” in my audience?

Write a full description of your ideal listener – sex, age, eductaion, financial bracket – whatever you want. (This will tune you to thinking about THEM instead of YOU.)

What reaction do you want from them? (Hint – joy is the right answer, thinking YOU are awesome is the wrong answer.)

In Conclusion

Be a giver, not a taker! Wake up this way, go to sleep this way, practice music this way and talk this way. Amen.