Adam Rafferty’s Blog – Guitar and Spirit

The Ever Clever Litte Ego

Many teachers declare that the moment you become aware, the moment you wake up “from sleep” you are then awake.

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Last night I saw one of my absolute favorite guitarists on the planet, and as I arrived noticed strange, uncomfortable feelings inside. I saw that I wanted to be the guy who was noticed, I longed for better gigs, more attention, and was chomping at the bit to start a conversation with someone about “me and my playing” even though I was an audience member at someone’s gig!

Ahh! Sounds like the ego to me…

Couldn’t I just for once sit and appreciate someone else? Couldn’t I let them be appreciated and enjoy what they were offering? Couldn’t I be thankful that they were just excellent? “What the heck is going on here?” I thought.

On my last European tour – I took stock of my inner feelings when people complimented me after a gig. I asked myself “so this is what I am yearning for so badly?”

So – I internally asked myself “What do I do?”, as I anticipated the first song and chatted with people at the table where I was sitting. Then I got very quiet. I listened more than I spoke to the other concert goers, and noticed the involuntary nature of this little screaming impulse inside. I observed the guts churning.

And then I reflected on everyone else walking through life getting these little surges of anxiety, or a need to “prove”, to “show everyone”, and to “be special” – just like what I was feeling. The impulse of the ego comes in different packages with different scenarios, but this behavior of the human character and psyche just leads to unhappiness and is basically a flawed way of looking from the inside out.

Here was the lesson, special delivery. The Universe brought me right to my weak point, right to the thing I need to learn. Not intellectually, but through a gripping feeling.

When I saw this impulse, this ego wanting love and approval, to be the best, to be noticed, and ultimately to survive – I sat still, breathed slowly, watched and listened – and allowed the feeling to be there. I said “thank you” for the awareness to allow and see the impulse and not “run with the feeling” and think more, more more.

Presence arrived.

Listening

By Adam Rafferty 2 Comments

Listening

A few days ago I found myself asking someone in my life to listen to me better. I felt as though I was being interrupted, misunderstood, and all around felt uncomfortable and dissatisfied. Not a nice feeling!

I found a wonderful article on listening, and sent this person the link I highly recommend it! You’ll love it:

https://traubman.igc.org/listenof.htm

I also reflected on how as a musician my experience playing is radically altered if I have an audience that is listening. Some magic happens, and there is this wonderful space in which the one who is speaking or playing can hear themselves through the “ears” of the listener. Attentiveness and attention are present.

What then happens is the conversation (or music) unfolds based on the listening. Awareness and present moment deliciousness are the fabric upon which the words or notes are woven.

Interruption is resistance against the present moment, essentially. Interruption can also mean “zoning out” in a conversation – turning one’s attention elsewhere as a form of resistance against the moment. The person who is allegedly the listener is saying “no, I resist this moment and what it is offering”.

Here’s the clincher though. In all my personal dissatisfaction, irritation and anger that arises when I feel that I am not listened to, I must ask “where is this anger?”. In me of course, so I must take responsibility and look deeper.

I then took stock of several people who I felt were not listening to me well and noticed that I had built resistance against them, and did not listen well to them.

I found that when they spoke to me, t was a feeling I had of “oh they’re just saying the same old thing” or “here they go again” or if it were directed at them as a verbal interruption I’d say “wait – I know the answer and I just don’t have the time to listen to the end of your sentence!”

Feeling these feelings is ok. But having the inner space around these feelings, to see them arise and not necessarily react by zoning out or interrupting, is what makes all the difference. So, in spite of wanting to resist the moment somehow, could I see my feeling, allow the feeling to be, and redirect attention to the speaker?

So has this just been projection on my part? Maybe I have not been listening so well!

I decided to listen to them, for myself and for the relationships. I decided that I’d hold myself to my standard – tuning out and interruptions were and are not allowed. It became my vow to give full attentiveness to them.

Yes, and just as you probably thought I’d say – the dynamic changed completely. They didn’t know what hit ’em. Peace and presence arrived not just for me, but for us all.

Change yourself and the world changes. It never fails.

Even cooler than that, I found myself walking alone down my street the other day lost in thought and drama. I then wondered, “Can I listen even when there is no one talking? Can I simply engage in the act of listening, all by myself?”

So there alone, I started to listen to the wind, the street, and the silence – and my world transformed on the spot.

Shhh….Listen to the sound around you right now as you finish reading this.

Here you are.

The Gimme Trap

By Adam Rafferty 1 Comment

Greetings friends.It is 7 am in NYC and I have just emerged from my morning meditation. No it was not mellow, it was a distracted mind, but I sat there anyway!

Late last night I listened to one of my favorite “modern day” spiritual teachers – Marianne Williamson, and was reminded of a simple but important message.

The more “wanting” and “gimme” you have in your attitude – the more of that you experience in life – and you feel like the world is saying “gimme” to you. The more “abundance”, “having” and “gratitude” you have the more you experience and the more you feel as though the world is giving to you.

A wanting state implies that “I lack” or I don’t have. I think this is what one of my favorite teachers, Lester Levenson actually meant when he said “want equals lack”.

At first it is counter-intuitive, but through insight you can see that our psycho-spiritual “mechanism” operates this way.

Deep, huh? 🙂

Seriously though, as a musician freelancer there is always a dialogue inside me of how I want more, how can I get more? How can I get more gigs? How can I sell more CDs, more books? What tunes can I learn and re-arrange to get more of an audience? What instructional videos would sell…and so on. I need to be extremely careful regarding this dialogue.

While this kind of mentality is praised and honored as industrious and clever, it is not a very “high up there” kind of mind.

I tell you – the most blissful, most sweet, most delectable experiences and states I have had in recent years were in the writing of the music for “Gratitude”. I remember sitting and “receiving” tunes and melodies from “source” or God or whatever you want to call it – and literally being brought to tears by the sheer beauty.

That’s right – no cleverness, no “how can I get ahead”, none of that crap. The gift was given to me, and I made a commitment to give it back to listeners and the utter joy, through and though was unreal.

I am very thankful for having experienced this good that life has to offer, and I am thankful to see when I have steered in a wrong direction.

And now as I leave you to go about my week I ask the question, “what can I give?” and from there I will practice music, email people and act.

Keep Swingin’

Adam

Adam Rafferty Tour Diary 11/15/08 – Guitar Air Travel Tactics

By Adam Rafferty 1 Comment

Alternative title to this post could be “Shame on You Airlines!!!”

Let me start by saying that if you have any brilliant ideas about traveling with acoustic guitars, I am all ears. I am sitting in the Prague airport, still a little perplexed, as I write. Luckily I am here with guitars which are all in one piece and did not go broke getting them here.

Just when I think I’ve got the “flying with a guitar dilemma” licked, the ever evolving chess game between the dark forces of the airlines and us good guys (musicians) takes an unexpected twist.

I did everything by the book. I loosened the strings, bubble packed the neck within the hard shell case, and as I have written in an earlier post – I then pack the case in my casextreme.com travel case, like a good acoustic guitar student should. 🙂

I know many guitarists just show up to the gate either with a hard shell or a gig bag – and this is Russian roulette. God forbid they tell you is has to be checked, you are in trouble – or maybe you just don’t take the flight.

This tour was pretty extensive – so I traveled with 2 acoustics, and an electric. So, all in all thats:

2 acoustics in road cases (playing solo, one needs a backup axe)
1 Electric in a soft case (fits in overhead)
Suitcase
Laptop & Gear case

Guess what? The fun started when Swiss International Air charged $200 for taking a 3rd luggage piece getting out of the gates in NYC. That’s just one way, folks.

Ouch.

And flying from Koln to Prague – I had paid for 3 luggage pieces online ahead of time – but basically that just gave me the “privilege” of dividing my 23 kilo allotment across 3 bags.

Why must there always be surprises? At the counter I was told it would be 140 euros. But fear not – a creative solution came…

It did not take long to figure this out –

$200 NYC to Europe
$200 approx (140 eur) Koln to Prague
$200 Europe back to NYC

That would be $600 for this tour alone if I just took my lumps and handed my credit card across the counter. And guess what – I’m coming back to Europe in the Spring…another $400 – $600. That could amount to $1000 or more – just to shlep a backup guitar 2 times that I almost never play.

And The Solution Is…

First off, I twisted their arm to let me take a hard shell in the cabin, and left a road case with my friend in Koln. Having another person there to pass gear off to was key!

So friends – the solution is (drum roll, please) I will be leaving lots of gear here across the pond. Actually, guitarist and instructor Stefan Grossman put the idea in my mind so kudos to him – park guitars and other equipment junk in Europe, and travel light.

So, a Taylor, a Yamaha Electric (Killer axe – I bought 2) and maybe a boss multi-efffects board will stay here. I just can’t bear to pay the offensive B.S. money they want to charge.

Assuming my guitars foster parents will humidify it regularly, I should be in good shape.

I’d rather buy more guitars with the money I save. 🙂

Greetings from The Road Again – European Tour Update 11/9/08

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Greets Friends!

I am traveling once again on the good ol’ German rail system – and figured it is as good a time as any to give you a tour update.

Today I got to immerse myself in the joy of practicing. This tour has been hard work and lots of travel – but I have really gotten in some good practice in hotels and can feel new musical areas opening up, and it is very exciting for me.

It’s something I can’t quite explain…it feels just so darn good to work on my acoustic guitar playing! I worked long today and yesterday on re-arranging my own tune “Shelter Island”.

The tune is not yet recorded, as I knew it “wasn’t quite there yet” – but the solutions I had been seeking popped up over the last 48 hours! It will be “unveiled” on youtube soon. It is a pretty, sprightly little travis picking ditty with a nice melody that just feels great and sounds great. When the right hand fingers are firing just right….well I don’t want to stop playing it!

At some point, a voice in my head said “hey, try this slighlty different hand position” – and next thing you know, the strings were poppin’ effortlessly under my right hand.

As well, on the Bennie Wallace tour I started investigating new phrasing techniques by using “the feeling” of hammer ons and pull offs in the right places to get melodies to “lay” more the way Charlie Parker and Dizzy would phrase. Not many guitarists use the left hand fingerings in this way. I felt a new level of steadiness in the time and “locking” with the drums.

It’s awesome…there is always new stuff to work on, and I will never get it done.

There must be some kind of similarity to practice and meditation in terms of brain waves, or “states”. If I am not mistaken, the “alpha” state is our regular waking mind – and as one slips into meditation one achieves a “beta” state.

It never fails – it takes 30 minutes or so of practice for the guitar to “open up” – which is really my state slipping into another mode. Musical solutions reveal themselves, new tunes appear and music plays itself.

And all I can say at that point is “thank you” to whomever is giving me the gems, the ideas and the music lessons from some other realm.

Until next time, be well and keep swingin’