Adam Rafferty

Letting Go of Feelings

It’s official. I had taken the bait.

All my life I have added so much angst, drama and importance to my work, which has been mainly music.

It has been so much more than just music – it has been the basis of relationships with people, the needing approval from my father and father figures (usually teachers), fans – being a guitar god to the guys, being attractive to the ladies. I like ‘showing all those people’ who said I couldn’t do it that I can.

And then – the relationship with myself. I’m cool if I am playing with so and so musician, I’m cool if I have such and such a gig, I’m not cool if I have this other gig. If my chops are up, I approve of myself. If not, I beat myself up real good.

If am on tour I can say “yeah man I’m on tour” yet if I am not, I feel like a stay at home loser….

This is the biggest insane ego trip in the world, with many facets which stem back all the way to my childhood. The trip (but not the music) have made me miserable at times. The funny thing is, these are just feelings. Nothing to do with music, yet these psychic things surround the music.

As I embarked on this new acoustic guitar journey I felt the freshness of the rocket of a new desire, and I found it devoid of all this ego stuff that I associated with my experience playing jazz. The feeling was a detached playfulness – I didn’t care what anyone thought; no career was riding on these decisions, I could care less about the people in the scene…but slowly all these things descended into my reality.

It did not take long to bring my old mindset to this new music. It’s the idea that no matter where you move, you bring your baggage with you.

When I saw that these old feelings were here with the new career idea / music direction, something was in fact different than the last time I felt all these feelings. The last time, I thought it was the world doing it to me, the drama, the struggle and so on. Now I am seeing – wait a minute – these feelings are my creation, because they were not here before. I am responsible.

This is not a “beating myself up” in assuming responsibility. This is really hopeful – because if I can see a way out of these miserable feelings, I can move ahead in life.

I sat down to take a time out yesterday (and I will be doing this more) and really wanted to unlock these “tight” constrictive feelings. In the Sedona Method / Release technique there are ways to pose questions to yourself and stir up feelings, and then techniques to deal with those feelings.

I asked myself “Can I live without this music career? No more gigs, recordings, approval from others, tours, websites and all that. Can I let it all go?”

Upon asking, I had this feeling of letting go as if the weight of the world were lifted off my shoulders. I felt like “wow, it’s just me & the universe all over again”, and I could be right there in the moment, hearing traffic out my window, breathing in and out – happily. I felt like a kid. In my gut, I shifted from resistance to allowing things to just be as they are. Peace.

It’s not that I planned on quitting anything, but wanted to let go of these negative emotions. I was able to continue the work on my guitar website without the angst, importance and stress I was previously feeling. The Sedona Method and Release Technique go way further than what I have described, but part of their goal is to let go of the negative feelings so that the natural well-being of a situation can flow, unimpeded.

Now it’s clear to me. My goal in life is this – to be clear and happy. From this clarity, happiness, and serenity well-being and abundance will flow in whatever I do. Always has, always will. Whenever I have been in the right psycho / spiritual place, the world out there falls into place. And whenever I have had turmoil inside, I get turmoil outside.

(exhale….quiet).

Rock vs. Jazz, Part 1

By Adam Rafferty 1 Comment

Rock and pop musicians can learn a lot from jazz musicians. Jazz musicians can learn a lot from rock musicians though – and this is what I find more interesting!

The rockers can learn about harmony, melody, rhythm, counterpoint, form, technique, practicing, swing, and great tunes of years past. I have taught many rock / blues / folk guitarists who soaked up this new knowledge and are amazed that it even exists.

Jazz musicians can learn about this though – that rock / pop musicians have to take responsibility for getting a following, having a mailing list and putting butts in the seats at gigs. Ok, the big jazz names like George Benson draw a crowd, but for the most part this is a foreign idea to jazzers.

What I am talking about is that even local rock bands & performers have to live with the reality of bringing an audience to a gig whereas jazz musicians usually don’t.

Many local jazz musicians are hired to play background music. Even if it is a jazz club, it is in a sense background music. Patrons go expecting to hear a great band, and maybe go because they are familiar with the band. Even at a jazz festival where bigger names play, the audience is built in, and attendance is not the performers problem. Big companies fund the festivals and record companies get their acts on as promo.

This situation allows many jazz performers to play music that may not be 100% appealing to people, since pleasing the audience is “not their problem” nor is a return crowd. They didn’t necesarily get the gig because of crowd appeal. There is the possibility for a disconnect here between “getting the gig”, “playing the gig” and “drawing / pleasing the audience”.

Ok – this is NOT true for all jazz performers. Some musicians learned in an environment where energy and entertainment value was supremely important.

What I am saying is this: for many jazz performers, even the highly entertaining ones, drawing an audience is an afterthought, whereas for a rock / pop musician it is everything.

It’s easy for a jazz musician to defend and say “my job is to play music – it’s the venue’s job to get the people”. And while I know nothing of promoters yet, I am talking about the nitty-gritty hands on, “getting people to a gig” work that musicians in other genres need to do.

I need to enter this realm of the butts in the seat being my responsibility. This is a rude awakening. Ouch. Is this fun? Am I looking forward to it? Is it my problem?

Frankly, I see this as a really cool challenge. Because once I have a following (in the acoustic world) nobody can take that away from me. I’m not thrilled with the busy work of mailing lists, phone calls and “it being my problem” – but in sheer dollars and cents, if I can draw a crowd – that makes me more desirable. Gigs can get bigger and better, and more people will want to hire me.

There is just a mercenary honesty to this that somehow appeals to me. An executive can’t flick an off switch and turn your following “off”.

When one considers the idea that CD’s are on the way out, (who knows what kind of pirating with Mp3’s will go on) – the concentration on live show, and the merchandise sold there is more important than ever.

Letting Go of Wanting

By Adam Rafferty 1 Comment

The past few days, I have been doing what many musicians do. Non-stop self promotion, in the form of re-designing and working / coding my new website. This stirs up a lot of feelings.

In the “Release Technique” course that I am always studying and referring to – the founder Lester Levenson describes that you can get anything you want in life by releasing, (i.e. releasing negative and positive emotions surrounding the issue).

I (and possibly you) have been taught that we need to “work hard” to achieve our goals. Also we’ve never been taught that “wanting” can be detrimental to one’s psyche, and the achieving of those goals. We’ve been taught to accept disappointment when we don’t get what we want – or bulldoze the other guy if we really want something really bad enough (even if it means ulcers, being miserable, or killing other people)

I am fascinated by the process of releasing the surrounding emotions so that a goal can manifest by itself, the way a cool breeze comes in the window, without effort.

Lester goes further to say that when we arrive at what is called the “hootless state” where we don’t give a hoot whether we get our goal or not, – we are well on our way to getting it.

So, in the midst of my PHP / HTML coding fury (and I am still not done) I asked myself – “can I let go of the feeling of wanting that all of this is bringing up? The wanting of career, gigs, a better career, tours and the like?”

The further inquiry was “has this ‘wanting’ feeling ever achieved anything?”. No, it has only made me stressed and unhappy.

Looking back to goals that I have achieved, I see that the needy, “gimme”, wanting approval, security and control feelings, and the resistance – all actually had very little to do with the actual manifestation of the goal. Much of it is, was and has been self induced drama. One could seriously make a TV show out of all of it.

The only process that has ever gotten the goal is –

1. Ask – which ultimately has to be envisioning it in the here and now.

2. It is Answered

3. It is Given – so get the “wanting” feelings out of the way, and relax.

It seems to simple in the abstract – as you read. But to really inquire when we are in a charged emotional state of this “wanting” – to catch ourselves and allow the wanting to fall away – is where the next level (at least for me) is.

When I did ask myself the question “can I let go of wanting this?” I realized I was no further away from my goal. I saw that I have in fact achieved everything I have wanted to, and that it was from a state of inner peace that answers, people, results and happiness came – without any effort on my behalf.

Ironically, when I ask myself “can I let go of wanting this”, I feet closer to the achievement of it. My whole body relaxes, and I experience the true fact that I am complete, happy, serene, and perfect right where I am right now. I am at peace.

Our mental states are like different “places” we can visit. The place of serenity, clarity, peace, love and timelessness is a great place to be. In that place, we can receive what we’ve asked for. It is devoid of the wanting, the neediness, the urge to control.

And as I let the feeling of wanting drop away…

I can taste it. I can feel it here and now. I can see it. Thank you. It is given unto me.

Allow it to Happen

By Adam Rafferty 1 Comment

In all the “Law of Attraction” material that is out there, the last step of achieving one’s desire is “allowing”.

In the book “Ask and it is Given” we are told that it is a 3 step process:

1) Ask
2) It is always given
3) Allow it to flow into your life

Other books I have read as well and courses I have studied describe wording goal statements starting with “I allow”. Pure genius! And the truth!

The concept of “allowing” is very different from the concept of “making it happen”. Many of us (including me at times) think we need to “make it happen”.

“Allowing” lets you feel that the good things you want are just “out there” and you are an “open window” which will allow the “breeze” to blow in. My whole body relaxes when I think of it this way.

I can remember as a kid how much I loved to draw. And I never had the feeling that “I” was drawing. Ok, I am not trying to sound like I was a little Zen master genius here, but what I am trying to say was that I “allowed” the drawing to happen, just by feeling my way.

On the outside people see me drawing – but I am talking about my inner experience, and more importantly – your inner experience.

I would just keep adjusting things until the drawing looked right.

Anytime I have taken the “I’m gonna make it happen” approach – well, it is very a righteous ego and caffeine induced state. I can brag and boast and look like a tough go-getter guy to my friends and family, but sooner or later – I run out of steam. Nice for a cocktail party or holiday dinner to impress, but a crappy way to live.

And who was I fighting anyway? That’s what I mean by inner experience…to “make it happen” is exhausting on an inner level – it feels like a fight. No one else will experience that fight but you. To “allow it to happen” is relaxing – and will tickle you with laughter when you see that you didn’t have to work so hard to get the thing you wanted. This stuff works. I know from personal experience. Keep reading.

Once you have the vision of what you want, and your answer is given to you – you can, simply by getting yourself out of the way – allow these things into your life. Sometimes the feeling of “wanting” can block out the thing we want!

This was on my mind this morning because I was with my girlfriend last night and she had been discussing me with a co-worker. I commend her on choosing such a noteworthy topic. 🙂 Seriously though, her co-worker asked her “how does he find work?” since I am a musician.

Jill replied “he’s at home making it happen right now”. I had been working on my website all day.

That’s when I told her I wasn’t “making” it happen, from my point of view. I lived many years with the idea that I was going to “make it happen Goddammit!!!” And you see – the contraction, the disallowing of other solutions, the looking at the glass half empty, the hurry – all make the attitude of “making it happen” totally discouraging and unlivable as a long-term way of life. It is a jaw-clenched, un-accepting, angry state where very little good can flow in. It’s like screaming at the window that no breeze is coming in.

Let me give a small example. Here’s what was happening in my world yesterday as it looked like I was “making it happen” (little did they know – I was “allowing”).

Weeks prior I had started fooling around with the idea that i needed a new website design, one that would incorporate my new acoustic guitar stuff. It was right then – the desire to have the new website was set into motion, and I knew full well that it would happen. I had not done a lick of work yet, it was only an idea. I knew that eventually my website would get designed and updated, and no stress was needed. It’s as if I considered it done – simply because I knew I had put my attention on it. Kind of like a farmer knowing he’ll get a potato because he planted the seed.

Yesterday was the day I sat down and said “lets see what old Photoshop and Dreamweaver have to say about this”. I looked at the old site and noticed I’d have to pull old material over. I looked at my current life and added recent pics. Basically I sat at the Mac and the vision in my mind directed the hands and brain from 10am until 6pm. (p.s. – it’s still not finished)

So – one would say the website was created yesterday, and that I was “really friggin’ making it happen!!!” but NO! The website was created before I touched the computer. The idea was there. Simply by paying attention and letting it happen, it has started to sprout by itself.

This is not only about a website. It’s about you, your dreams, your aspirations, your family, your livelihood, where you want to live. You are just like me inside. We may look very different, but we’re really the same. And, we are all creators – and when we know how fun it is to create, we want to keep doing it. Anything in our lives starts in our minds, and pours forth into our realities.

Just think- a Thanksgiving meal with turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls, veggies, apple cider and pumpkin pie – all starts as an idea. From there on in, it pretty much plays itself out and no “making it happen” stress is required. You “allow” it to happen.

The next thing which follows is a trip to the market. Then prep work in the kitchen, the oven preheat, the table setting, the timing so that everything is ready at the same time and piping hot – are all ways that you will allow the original vision to unfold.

So – next Thanksgiving, when you see the food on the table – you can have a good spiritual fuzzy feeling in your belly – knowing that it in fact started with an idea (this also works even if you didn’t cook the food). And then ponder that this manifesting ideas into reality can happen in your life.

In years past I have in my life had my stomach in knots – from “wanting” the following:

1) a sideman gig on guitar with a jazz legend
2) a great girlfriend
3) to live independently
4) earn a living as a freelancer
5) to tour with my band
6) a guitar career as a performer on the festival circuit

Once I let go of the exhausting, burnt-out feeling of “wanting” and started the gentle “allowing” I got:

1) a sideman gig with Dr. Lonnie Smith, and another with Bennie Wallace and Alvin Queen
2) Jill. I love this girl!
3) My studio apartment, paid for
3) No debt, making money doing what I love
4) I play the guitar and write music, teach lessons
5) I have done about 10 tours as a leader in Europe

and now this is on it’s way…I know it

6) a new world as a solo acoustic performer. I’m finishing the CD and getting out there and people are digging the music. It’s fun and I dig it!

All this came from an inner state of “allowing”, not “making it happen”. It looks like a person “making it happen” – but it’s not. Of course I have to be an active participant just like the person who made the Thanksgiving meal a few paragraphs ago, but that’s the allowing part.

So, why not look for the “wanting” in your own life – and drop it. That’s right, drop the feeling of “wanting”, or the “I gotta make it happen”.

I highly recommend these for further reading: “The Sedona Method” by Hale Dwoskin, “The Abundance Course” by Larry Crane, and “Ask and It is Given” by Esther and Jerry Hicks.

Just go to Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.

Ask, and the books will be given!!! 🙂

Why I Play “The Hunt” – a Song by Tommy Emmanuel

By Adam Rafferty 2 Comments

At the time of this writing, I am uploading a video of myself performing a tune by Tommy Emmanuel called “The Hunt”.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=RxQhEHwSUyQ

It is a fast, fiery piece and it is his signature piece (one of them).

Why would I even attempt to play this and post it to YouTube – where people can easily see him destroy me, guitaristically? 🙂

Well, this piece really energized me when I first heard it and turned me onto the idea of being a man onstage with just a guitar and “electrifying” the audience. I must say, before seeing Tommy I thought that solo guitar had to be either like Joe Pass or classical (both of which I love), but neither of which has the frothing-at-the-mouth energy I wanted as part of my own solo playing.

I was unaware that this kind of playing was available to me in a blues / rock / acoustic/ steel string idiom. If you have not heard the piece it’s kind of like southern-rock-meets-flamenco.

I have been shedding (practicing) this piece for about a year. And while I am my own artist, have my own thing to say, and urge others to find their own voice – it is great to learn from masters, and take on new challenges by emulating what they do. Part of what I am excited about is where these musical ideas will take me once I have digested them.

The reasons that I practice this piece are many.

1) Tommy is like the “Michael Jordan” of guitar – and as far as I am concerned I am responsible to pay attention to what he’s doing and push myself to be as good as he is. Of course my “artistic voice” will and should manifest differently than his – but if he can do a 360 slam dunk, well I gotta work on mine!

2) This forces me be “out there” spiritually and grab people at a show, to get the high energy going in my playing. I tend to be too introspective (see my previous post).

3) I have had to learn new techniques, and am still working on them. The hardest for me is the alternating D bass in octaves with a flatpick while I play thirds with my m&a fingers on my right hand. My picking has been pretty fast for years.

4) One has to throw away proper left hand classical technique to play this piece: if you are playing with proper “hand” position you can’t do the pull offs and get the chords quick enough. As well, you can’t play the scales without the pull offs or else they don’t sound right – i.e. it ain’t all alternate picking!

5) I am hoping that it will get me to actually “think” differently. Actually, it has.

So there you have it. I will continue shedding this piece for a while still. Tommy plays stuff by Chet Atkins & Jerry Reed, so it’s the same thing for me.

This is my “tip of the hat” to a modern day master of the guitar – Tommy Emanuel.