Adam Rafferty

April 1, 2010

Greets friends…I am cruising at about 30K feet on the first leg of my journey to the UK to play the Oxford Jazz Festival, Liverpool Philharmonic and more.

I have a happy ending to tell you about. I’d like to talk about perception, and also discuss reading personal meaning into impersonal events.

It’s quite easy to read about spiritual and psychological principles and nod one’s head and say “I understand that”, but when the rubber hits the road and we feel uncomfortable, and have a mini inner disturbance or crisis – we see what we are made of, and hopefully learn. 🙂

One of my favorite teachers, Lester Levenson, uses the following example. Imagine that you see a poisonous snake in a dimly lit room, curled up waiting to attack. You feel fear, panic, you go into survival mode and freak out. You turn the light on and then find a coiled up rope, which you thought was a snake. The whole panic, fear and mental ride you went on was your creation.

How often at work, with family, at school do we have “panic attacks” over the coiled up ropes of life that we think are snakes? Fortunately I am getting mellower and mellower but I certainly have experienced this feeling and have to laugh at myself when I see the “rope”. It’s like panic over lost keys which you find in your back pocket after tearing up the house for 15 minutes.

Now, dear reader, here’s a slightly different topic which will have a tie-in, I promise. The Buddha taught not to feel one way or the other regarding praise or criticism, and this is a tough one for me much of the time. It’s not that effort is employed to “not let” criticism pull one down, but when you are grounded in a more real, quiet, ego-less state – you see that there is no “you” in the first place who can receive praise or blame.

And now here is the priceless April Fools story which involves the tie-in of each of these ideas.

I received an email from a customer a few weeks ago because he ordered a DVD and 2 CDs – and one CD was missing from the package. He was from Germany – which is where I tour most these days. I love the German folk, and one quality I admire in the culture is a “conversational directness”…they often say what’s on their mind with no buffer and little humor.

The email stated the following. “Dear Adam, Just to let you know, the Gratitude CD was missing from the order. The Stevie Wonder Guitar DVD is wonderful, and your Chameleon CD is awful. ”

Huh? Did he really just say that? What?

I reacted internally. I emailed friends. Stomach acid. No, I am not yet always above praise or criticism.

I decided then that it was my duty re-record and re-release my CD’s because I feel that I have improved, as has my recording technique. I composed (but did not send) a letter of apology to him, saying yes, the micing of the guitar could be better, the performance could be better,and that I’ve learned a lot since recording that CD. I offered a complete refund if he was dis-satisfied. I chose not to send the email though. I clarified my thoughts, and that was fine.

I felt truly awful. I did my best, and really disappointed someone with this artistic effort. How could these words affect me so?

And I thought – if he had the nerve to actually say it, how many people simply bottled this sentiment up and were too kind to tell me? Maybe he’s the only one of thousands who has the nerve to speak his mind. Like the guy with the bad toupe whom no one says anything to, but everyone knows it’s a bad toupe…and one man calls out the bad rug.

Eventually I got over it as I had to carry on with touring and a career. The CD is done, no turning back.

Last night in Munich my buddy Zane and I did a 2 guitar gig for a small, intimate audience. I couldn’t help but notice a young couple grooving and enjoying the music and humor. From the stage, I made lots of eye contact with them and enjoyed their vibe very much.

On the break the fellow from this nice couple comes up and says “Hi Adam, I’m Stefan. Man you sound great!!! By the way I still haven’t received the Gratitude CD. Oh – and I am so sorry about the email. I meant to say the Chameleon CD is AWESOME, not awful – and I didn’t realize the language mistake until afterwards. Ha ha ha!” He then hands me the Chameleon CD to get it autographed.

Well, we had some great laughs. I informed him that he almost put me in the mental hospital, and that I was happy to meet him. I announced him from the stage and told the story, and I promised him and the audience that the next CD would be even more….awful!! 🙂

Of course my little ego, my separate self heaved a sigh of relief. But the big SELF, looked at this entire story and knows that a hipper, happier place would be to be grounded in a peaceful, higher zone where I wouldn’t have felt bad in the first place. That’s the real place to be.

The only place I have found this rest, this relaxation and pause from ego is in and from meditation and mindfulness. Going within and going quiet is the only place I have find peace. You really do catch glimpses that there is no separate you and you (I) see the idiocy of the ego. But, it takes practice to stay on top of it all.

So while it’s nice to be loved and have this fellow think the CD is awesome – that’s not the cure, it’s just a band aid for a situation.

The cure is in knowing through and through that you, I and him are not separate beings no more than waves in the ocean being separate from the water itself. The cure is to know the big SELF, not the little self.

Tommy Emmanuel, in his infinite wisdom once told me “what other people think of you is none of your business”. This is deeper than it initially sounds…

Enjoy life, and until next time keep swingin’

Every now and then as one goes through life, events happen to which we ascribe meaning. I had such a moment yesterday.

I had the wonderful opportunity to do a solo guitar concert 2 nights ago at the “Mozarthaus” in Vienna, Austria. Mozart lived on the ground floor level of this building. The building sits on “Domgasse” – the Dome being St. Stefan’s Cathedral.

The concert was in the basement where they now have a lovely small hall for chamber music. The building is now a historic landmark museum, and they host concerts, events…it’s just so cool. I’ll need to go back as a tourist and check it out!

It was in this building that Mozart and Haydyn met. It was an honor not only to set foot in this place, but also perform music there. Holy powdered wigs, Batman!

As I walked in, and throughout the concert I couldn’t help but think of the towering genius of Mozart – and here I am doing my little ol’ funky fingerpicking, playing Billie Jean, beatboxing, and so on. The ridiculousness all of it was humbling and totally hilarious at the same time.

During my first guitar and beatbox tune “Chameleon” the melody lines wove in and out of eachother, the beatbox groove hit and I saw smiles in the crowd. I knew then and there, old Wolfgang would approve and it made me feel good. He was a playful groovy son of a gun…I felt him smiling.

Afterwards, as the audience was screaming, and I had to just take it in and enjoy kicking butt musically in the former home of one of our worlds greatest musical geniuses!

But, lets not forget Mr. Fux either. “Who’s that?” you ask.

Last night at the concert as I introduced my tune “America”, I told the folks that the tune was born as I studied “Gradus ad Parnassum”, Johann Fux’s book on counterpoint (which Mozart also studied by the way). You can actually buy this book at Barnes & Noble. It’s a music education classic – just a small pocket sized paperback, but heavyweight in the concepts!

Fux lived during the same time as Bach and was the “Cappelmester” – i.e. choir leader, organist and head teacher in charge of music there at St. Stefans Cathedral in Vienna.

His book was (and still is indispensable) to my musical education and to my fingerstyle guitar approach. The ability to “juggle” more than one “voice” and see where voices in the music hit at the same time – or don’t hit at the same time (called counterpoint) was strengthened by doing all the written exercises in his book over coffee each morning for about 2 years. Once you can visualize the concept on paper, playing it becomes easier.

This work translated into “seeing possibilities” as a composer and arranger rather than just thinking like a “guitar player”. That’s why I always try to teach students “concepts” as opposed to just songs. The mileage you get from a correct concept can be the spark for hundreds of songs and arrangements.

Special thanks to Mozart, Fux, Bach and the all the Masters of music, you are all a never ending source of inspiration to me. My dream is to provide people with music that is not only entertaining, but intelligent too, and I hope you were groovin with me last night, (and I kinda think you were).

Your student, Adam.

Amen.

(this post was written March 8, 2010)

Greets friends. I am writing to you as I sit on the train to Frankfurt for a solo concert this evening.

A few days ago, I was in Linz, Austria and fell into some delightful, deep contemplation while taking a nice stroll on the Hauptplatz (main square). Linz was one of the first places I ever played on a Europe tour with a jazz trio, and I returned to precisely the same venue and stage, 10 years later for two sold out solo concerts.

Returning to a place I rarely come to after all this time put me in a time warp of sorts! Allow me to digress…

I am fascinated by the idea of what’s “out there” in the world we see vs. what’s “in here” in our minds and bodies.

The more that we look at our own minds and bodies, we see that everything we experience is inside and it is in fact impossible to experience anything outside ourselves.

When you see a bird, what’s actually happening? Actually, light waves zap into your eyes and your brain puts a picture of the bird together. Like it or not, your brain sees the bird. You “see” the image in your brain. You never experience the actual bird.

The same for sounds, smells, tastes, colors, emotions, touch and so on. Our sense organs pick up frequencies and it is our brain that registers them, interprets and assembles them. Past that, the brain can choose to add meaning – but that’s a whole other topic! 🙂

There is a famous story about two Zen monks. One monk looks at a flag waving in the wind one sunny day, and the other monk says “is it the flag that is moving, or is it your mind that is moving?”

In looking at the Linz “Hauptplatz”, seeing in my mind’s eye the memories of years past, remembering the feelings, dreams, loves, ups and downs I saw something that the Zen monk saw. Did I experience Linz? No I experienced my own mind and inner workings.

Sure I experienced events there, but they were the simply the out picturing of precisely what I was looking for due to the Law of Attraction. This experience this time was completely different, because I am looking for new things in music and in life.

The feeling was Merlin-esque. My whole sense of past, present and future somehow felt like it was collapsing on itself. Side note: I also saw that without a doubt any picture I hold in mind comes to fruition. Take time out of the equation and it is as if you can snap your fingers and have anything.

Even when I sit on the meditation cushion and the mind starts to wander, I laugh at myself….in a 20 minute session I can feel the feelings, sight sand sounds of Bangkok, my apartment in NYC, people in my life, my cat, life as a school kid…and physically I am in one place. It’s so easy to see in that setting that it is the “mind moving” and not “the flag”.

The holograph in my mind of course is “inside”, but what must be realized is even when you are “there” and “seeing things for real” the holograph is still an inner experience. So, really no difference between being in Bangkok and seeing things vs seeing the memories in my mind. Why? All I ever saw was my mind anyway…

What’s even more interesting is when two or more people experience something allegedly tangible – for example, attending a concert. For each listener, there is a brain assembling music and meaning and an experience. The music is not an outer experience, even at a concert…it’s an inner experience for each person there.

I dance around this topic without a real conclusion for you in mind. To see that it is all inside me, the entire cosmos, everyone I know, everything I have seen or heard is in me, fills me with wonder.

What, if anything is “out there” past my consciousness? This may be something we’re not allowed to know on this plane of existence. However, knowing that everything is inside is a level of taking responsibility for ones thoughts and life.

You may think that even this blog entry is outside you, but guess what? Everything you are reading and seeing is an inner experience, being put together by your brain. It’s in you.

Cool, huh? Until next time, feel good, love those around you, love yourself and keep swingin’!