Gang, I hope you are well. I know I have been quiet here on the blog for some time, and I have actually been been missing writing for you, and for myself.
Here is an update to let you know where I am at mentally, creatively and spiritually (today is March 6, 2018.)
Today I am using my blog as a journal to help clarify and organize my thoughts.
If you want to join me on my journey, you are invited to follow along.
The Overall Lesson
I’ve learned a strange life lesson from what I am about to describe to you.
As cliche as it sounds it is this: “what got you here may not help to get you where you want to go next.”
On a creative level, it’s tempting to just repeat what has worked in the past.
One’s technique must of course be developed over time, so you need the past; but when the content is the same as past content, pretending to be spontaneous, it’s like a comedian writing the same “funny” joke every time.
It gets old.
The present moment is the source of true creativity. It’s that blink of an eye before concious thought even happens…that’s where creative secrets reveal themselves.
Sure, we can pretend that we are being present, but when are just re-hashing old material it’s a lifeless echo of what was once the real thing.
First, a Story to Illustrate.
Imagine a young, innocent kid enjoying playing piano, lost in the joy of the now moment.
Suddenly, her parents see this love and talent and try to “capture” it in a bottle.
At the next Holiday gathering the parents urge her to play for the family, neighbors and friends.
The kid plays, and the audience loves it. And, she gets a taste for everyone’s love approval.
Uh oh.
She becomes attached to that love and approval.
Music becomes the means to that end.
But, what’s happened to the love of playing in the first place?
Innocence has been lost.
Hence, the dilemma of every creative person who decides to become a professional.
Taboo – Calling out the Truth
To look at the truth means to look at the 3 big fears.
#1 the fear of losing survival
#2 the fear of not getting approval
#3 the fear not being in control.
Survival is the main fear. Approval and Control are the little siblings of the main fear.
All of our fears, insecurities and issues are filed under one of these 3.
Stymied by the Inner Critic – Even Before I Start…
I have been pretty silent on Youtube and on the Blog out of fear. Embarrassing, but honest.
Since I have had a few “epic” videos and blog posts, it’s a fear that I won’t live up to a standard that I’ve set for myself.
The fear snuck up on me, uninvited and unexpected.
Youtube started as a wide open creative outlet for me, I put up whatever was moving me in the moment. Hits like “Superstition” and “Billie Jean” were not calculated; they were simply the music that was alive in me at that time.
In posting the videos, I had faith that the joy I felt would bubble over and be felt by the viewers.
But afterwards, when I saw what “worked”, what got hits, brought concerts and students, I thought “Aha! All I have to do is recreate this success with another hit…”
Sure, this idea can work. And yes it’s good to have a system and not re-invent the wheel every time.
But, as Dr. Frankenstein taught us, humans can’t infuse life into matter…that’s God’s work.
Put differently, the magic of the subconcious mind is far superior to the calculating, conscious mind.
To replace creativity with cleverness squelches out the true quiet voice, the curiosity, sponteneity and true wonder of the NOW.
What was once an open sky of possibilities suddenly collapses into a very narrow range of choices.
Putting the Creative Cart Before the Horse
I hadn’t even realized that my evil inner critic has stepped in, unwelcomed.
Let’s give him a name…”Darth.”
Darth often told me “Hey Adam, if it’s not going to be epic (video or blog post), don’t even bother creating it.”
He invaded my creativity on Youtube and my blog.
When I started posting to this blog, I had quite a few rambling articles (like this one) where I got to churn ideas, mull over concepts and gain insights.
I didn’t care if they were “epic”…I just wrote.
And through the writing and sharing I found joy and a feeling of accomplishment, and got to know myself and my ideas better.
Sooner or later I saw that articles like “8 Tips for Playing Fingerstyle Guitar Without Mistakes” took over in popularity which I of course wanted to re create.
Like Youtube, I saw that I could perhaps follow a formula and have my blog posts be more popular.
Darth’s “dont even bother” philosophy snowballed…like:
- “A blog post that won’t be popular? Why even write it?”
- “A Youtube video that won’t go viral? What’s the point?”
- “An original song? Whaddya kidding? Do a pop arrangement instead.”
- “Jazz? No one will understand it, don’t bother.”
- “Playing with a band? You’ll earn way less. Stay solo. Plus it’s too late to start something new.”
- “Upcoming concert? You had better just play the hits people want to hear.”
- “Composing? Don’t make it too jazzy, people have to understand it.”
- “Learn how to play the styles that other people play so you can show them you are competent. Then you’ll really get their approval!”
The mind, wishing to calculate and recreate success in all areas actually started to silence the very curiosity that was the source of the success in the first place.
That’s the mind “wanting to survive.”
I say “the mind” because its just the good old reptilian brain at work.
Taking Action…and Courageously Leaping Back Into the Unknown
In the last month i have successfully told Darth to shut up and take a hike.
Yeah!
I feel much better.
Here’s some of what I have undertaken in my journey recently to reclaim my creative space, creativity, joy and wonder.
1 – I’m taking a touring break.
Why? If all I do is keep practicing and playing the same tunes, the same way, with the same sound, and playing the same show, I’ll just get more of the same results.
I never thought I’d want to take a break from touring, but I do.
Fear that I faced: “What’ll everyone think if my tour calendar looks thin?” (Approval)
Mission accomplished. I followed through: I decided September, October & November are tour months. That leaves 9 months free for students, creativity and musical nourishment.
2 – I recently created a video course for musicians on the best way to use Youtube, Facebook and Email marketing.
This was a really fun creative project, I got to play with some new software and it’s infused with the “love of my fellow man.”
I really hope I will help some of my musical brothers and sisters with their online promotion.
Fear that I faced: “What’ll they think if I show another interest?” (Approval)
“If I try to sell this will people think I am a huckster?” (Approval)
“Will they discredit my music if I speak up on another topic?(Approval and Survival)”
Mission accomplished. I followed through: I finished the course. Soon to be released on StudyWithAdam.com as a free bonus. We’ll see what happens after that.
3 – I just had my first band rehearsal in over 10 years!
It hasn’t felt like 10 years which is frightening.
Feels like just yeaterday that I played with bands. I found some killer musicians locally and started dusting off some of my old blues, funk and soul tunes. We’ll see what happens.
Fear that I faced: “My audience wants me solo, why bother doing a group? How will I sell it?” (Survival & Approval)
Mission accomplished. I followed through: I called the musicians and had a great rehearsal.
4 – Don’t laugh. I recorded a hip hop tune here at home with myself rapping and playing the drums as guitar percussion.
Maybe it’ll just sound like a 49 year old going through a mid like crisis, but that’s exactly my point.
Darth says “it’ll just’ sound like your midlife crisis song” – but now I am finding the strength to tell him to buzz off.
Fear that I faced: “What will my fingerstyle guitar fans think? They may hate rap music and stop taking lessons from me…” (Survival / Approval)
Mission accomplished. I followed through: I recorded and mixed it. Dunno if it wil ever be released, and it doesn’t matter.
5 – I am doubling down on good stuff.
- Meditation 30 minutes a day, almost without fail.
- Cutting down on Netflix. (I had gotten sucked in by ‘Homeland’)
- I’m down to zero Facebook & Youtube watching.
- Checking email only twice a day.
- Hitting the gym 4 times a week, and I boy, feel better.
Sometimes, The Result Doesn’t Matter, the Creative Space Does
The cunning mind, the marketer mind and the result oriented mind won’t grasp this. It’s a different energy completely.
It’s not that I’ll force my creations down anyones throat.
It could be that none of them fly once they are released.
It could be that they are never released.
Whether they succeed is not the point!
The joy is shaking off the limiting thought patterns, and allowing creativity to run wild, and telling Darth to f**k off.
Thank you for following me and for reading this decidedly un-epic blog post.
By the way – I am reading DEEP WORK right now, and I highly recommend it.
So good Adam! I felt the same way at times & just learned and sang an Ani Difranco song I loved for fun – just like what I used to do when I was 17 or 18, before the whole “need to make things sound perfect for stage” business.
Such a perfectly timed post. Thank you Adam!
Thanks Az!
Hey, just like this week when I came across a YT by this Russian guy playing a 12 string. I have one but it has been getting a bit dusty. Listened to his composition of Interstellar and was blown away! Sounded so awesome, I dusted off my 12 and started to learn how to play it. Woke up this morning at 3:30 AM, had a coffee and played for 3 hours having fun. It was time to do something different!
Thanks Adam, I really enjoyed the message and candour of this post. I’m terrible with seeking approval and it definitely stifles me and robs me of opportunities. It’s heartening to know that even really successful people have to battle with this at times. Best of luck with your Darth-removal!
(PS: please ignore my approval of this content)
Thanks David! Yep, we all have our stuff to work on! AR
Absolutely right. If success changes you into something you’re not, what’s the point.? You are successful by being original and innovative. You can’t chase success, it can only come to you when you earn it anew. Your audience doesn’t want more of the same; if that’s all they got they’d slowly drift away. Adam Rafferty is THE funky-fingerstyle guitarist. You invented the genre, and you are not a static commodity. Go where inspiration takes you and we will follow, because only you can create it. We can handle a bit of discomfort to continue to get the innovative Adam. The greatest band of all time, more popular than God, challenged their audience with every new recording. We figured it out, and loved them even more. Even when they seemed to kill the magic by going their separate ways, we understood, because we had been on the journey all along. We followed each of them and were rewarded times four. What is unforgivable is to underestimate your audience’s ability to understand what you do You make the are, we’ll figure it out, and love you all the more.
You already said it yourself, in your “Crushing YouTube” video. You have to deliver something that satisfies the customers’ need, not something that you want them to want, or something you think they want. In your case (lucky you), what we NEED is original, creative Adam Rafferty. We can handle it. Blow the doors off, man.
David
I was in the back end of the blog yesterday and finally getting around to approving comments and I wished I had the time to personally comment on many…especially yours.
Thanks so much for your readership and attention AND support.
I may not have explained this right (but maybe I did.)
In order to pull of a hopefuly bulletproof live set, one does in fact need to shut out “all the possibilities”, collapse the wave function and nail what has to be nailed.
As Seth Godin so artfully puts it…are we working from a “factory” mentailty or a “laboratory?”
Sometimes the factory is necessary. If I’m gonna do a solo guitar show I feel much better knwing what I’m going to do and practicing it.
But, sometimes it’s lab time. Try rapping. Stop the same mental loop-de-loops that the brain has done for years, at least for a while. Try teaching something new. Get the Fender telecaster out and see what happens. Write a gospel flavored tune and sing it…you get the idea.
No idea what will see the light of day.
Thank you 1000 times David for your support, as I said before.
Hi Adam: I’m a new player or I should say a new older player. I am a senior citizen and am taking up the guitar for enjoyment and to keep my mind active. My question is about practicing . I was told to improve my playing I should practice in short spurts not one or two hours at a clip. What is your opinion?
I will not swear to this, but I am fairly confident that I read something from Adam which echoes this same point. Either way, it is a widely accepted fact/theory that applies to learning ANYTHING.
Another important point that I have encountered, is that practicing the same thing over and over again has its limitations. I have found that setting the old material aside and moving on to some new (and challenging) material, causes me too improve on the old material.
For example, if you are working on scales, work on the diatonic chord scales (CM7, Dm7, Em7 FM7, G7…), or, set song A down and work on song B.
It has to challenge you though. It can’t be setting down a G – C – G – D – G progression and working on a G – D – G – D – C – G. Instead, it should incorporate something that you haven’t done, like G – Em – C – Am – D – D7 – G. Then you will go back to the G – C – G – D – G and find it much easier.
This might be a simplistic example, but hopefully you get the point.
Hi Adam,
Ahh, the eternal question of work/play balance!
I’m very lucky that I have a job that has both creative & fun parts (design, brainstorming solutions) and not fun parts (schedule & budget, bleh). I’ve donated time to do the fun part, but it’s still work in the end.
For the play stuff, that’s why I have to do the work stuff, so that I can (happily) PAY for that!
If you need a life readjustment to rebalance, go for it! I think we’re all the beneficiaries of your creative play periods.
Oh, middle age crisis are tough, but can be overcome. I’ve done it several times already!
Mike
Adam, your music is a gift and it has been inspirational to hear it and watch your videos. Thank you for the honesty in your words. It’s helpful to know that others struggle with similar issues. I’ve just completed a finger style instrumental guitar CD and, not knowing what to do next, thought that I’d share a song with you.
Thank you for your music!
Bill
https://soundcloud.com/bill-ferrell-305230928/01-bill-ferrell-appalachian-princess
Bill listening now – I love it. Is that a bend or a slide? Very excellent sound. Did you record yourself? Love it, keep it comin!!!!
AR
Quite false Adam.
Your post was not at all rambling, nor unclear. Jokes reach us when they offer a different perspective on something that is familiar to everyone. Likewise, this post strikes at the heart of internal struggles that are very human and universal.
Music is also an issue that reaches the heart of our humanity, and this video will doubtless make an impression on EVERYONE here https://youtu.be/NKDXuCE7LeQ
This is why we play. There is something mysteriously magical in all music. I work in a nursing home and regularly see the power that is evidenced in this clip. I see people touched like this by those who would be considered far less talented than Adam.
The underlying point is that with music you can do no wrong, so just keep playing.
I found this post exactly a year to the day after you first published it. It’s one of those timeless “ramblings” (that doesn’t really ramble) that anyone can read anytime and still take something away from the reading.
I’m at a similar place right now with some of the things I’m working on. Thanks for putting into words what’s probably going on for a lot of folks at one time or another.
Gary thanks – I am late in replying. Glad somehow this resonated. I went through a burn out and had to re-align my artistic sense, goals, and writing this was probably more therapy for me than anything; glad you could also get something. God bless!